Marital infidelity is one of the major reasons why many marriages fail. Not only do we get to see it in movies and television shows, we also see it happening to our friends, relatives, and even ourselves. The crux of the matter is not only about why it happened but also why it was not detected earlier. For two people involved in an intimate relationship, shouldn’t they be the first ones to know if there is something wrong?
The Usual Scenario
Unfortunately, intimacy works both ways. It can make a person more attuned or alert to minute changes in his/her partner but it can also blur the lines between truth and lies. It is always easier to justify a partner’s questionable actions than to confront him/her with unfounded suspicions and doubts. Most people would not dare rock the boat of what appears to be a happy relationship. It typically takes a shocking truth such as the discovery of illicit sexual relationship with another to jolt a person into decisive action.
If you find yourself asking questions like “Is my wife cheating?”, or “Does my husband have another woman?”, then you must be seeing or feeling signs that may not be readily evident at that time. Some signs can appear so innocent that it can actually make the offended partner feel guilty of having suspicious thoughts about them.
Signs can manifest themselves in sudden or extreme changes in physical appearance, manner of relating to the spouse, work habits or daily behavior as well as unusual movement in finances, taste or smell, sexual demands, and secrecy in phone and computer use. Sometimes, the signs come in physical form like marks on the body or stains on clothing articles.
What the Signs Mean
Each of the mentioned sign can be satisfactorily explained by itself. A change in appearance can simply be due to the desire to look better. Changes in work habits can be caused by company-mandated directives. An unusual mark on the body can be explained by some acceptable incident. The key here is to tie up the unusual changes to a suspicious activity.
What makes an activity suspicious? There are no specific rules that could automatically categorize whether a certain activity is suspicious or not but it can be done with the use of common sense. When a person cannot be found in a place such as work or seminar specifically if it was cited as the reason for leaving the house for extended periods of time; when a person makes it a point to transfer to another room when answering phone calls in hushed tones; when a person finds every reason not to join family activities but comes up with every reason to go out with “friends”; are examples of highly suspicious activities and actions. You need to open your eyes for things that can easily be missed and dismissed for nothing.
Acting on the Signs
To catch a cheating spouse is serious business. The best of cheaters can have all the tricks up their sleeves to evade discovery but there are bound to be slip-ups that can help a doubting spouse see the situation in a much clearer perspective. Most often than not, signs of cheating have been staring a person right on his/her face but are only recognized as such on hindsight. A cheater will never volunteer information that will get him/her caught. It would take extraordinary resourcefulness on the part of the doubting spouse to get the necessary information.
Subtlety is the magic word here. Information needs to be extracted from the source without them realizing that they are actually revealing information. Most people, however well-intentioned they are, will not readily dive in the middle of a marital conflict by providing clues. Many would prefer to keep quiet and hope that the matter gets settled by itself.
The Available Options
A doubting spouse can choose to hire a private investigator or do the investigating on his/her own. On the presumption that cheaters usually take steps to cover tracks of infidelity, the investigating party needs to realize that finding out the truth may take some time. Counterchecking information declared by a suspected cheater is one of the simplest forms of investigating. Written documents can reveal a lot of things left untold. Even the world of science does its part by offering tests that can provide an explanation where none is offered.